Is it a wanted or non-wanted Hello!

I will say i am girl that likes to dye her hair into pretty wacky colors. I just had my hair blue and black for awhile and decided that it was time for a change. My change would be red and black and when i say red i mean its really really red! I was expecting comments, weird looks, and maybe a couple of laughs because i would be out of the norm. But there was one person in the whole university of only 2,000 people that surprised me the most. I was getting lunch and he told me I looked beautiful with my red hair. I was utterly shocked that I paused to think back if he said that before i replied with a simply thanks. but my eyes were still big because he hasn't talked to me since last year. We started off okay friends last year and even made out a lot, but that all came to an end when i found out he had a girlfriend the whole time which is no biggie to me so i backed off, but i still liked him a lot. but that is all in the past. A dark horrible past. :). It is actually just really long and hard to explain it to be honest. Anyway, a couple days later i was walking with my friends and he walked by and quickly said "hey beautiful." I turned quickly and said what all he did was smile and keep walking making me look very stupid. i was out to seek what was wrong with him. He was the one who though it was better if we didn't speak. I saw him walking so I went and hid until he walked by to come out and confront him. He smiled and told me he knew i would wait for him. We talked and all he really wanted to do was say sorry, but I wanted to steal a little more of his time because i knew it would be my only chance to talk to him. At the end of our talk, which nothing happened between us i made sure of that, he said i was beautiful and i could have any guy I wanted. then asked if i still wanted him. I truthfully didn't know how to reply so i said yes. We left each other thinking that we wouldn't talk after that, well that was what i was thinking. But today at supper he gave me my food and called me beautiful again. It becomes very frustrating when he says lets not speak and then he says these words to me. And may i add he is still dating that one girl he cheated on in the first place. I still can't decide if this is a wanted or a non-wanted hello. I know if it came down to it where him and his girlfriend broke that i wouldn't ever go with him,since i would be to worried that he would cheat like he has to his girlfriend, but why do i still like still just a little. Question mark!

loosing grip on freedom

How can i be free from everyone around me. I don't really talk to my family much because we, in the sense, are not on the same page and the case is my life. I will catch you up. I am in my third semester in a university and i have plans on to moving out of the united states into Japan. Every since i was little i loved Asian culture until i came to love japan the most. Over the years of growing up i followed everything i could get my hands about Japan. I just started taking Japanese, which i am doing so self-taught, and the japanese students that i go to school with believe that i am doing very good for being self-taught. because i am able to write and read japanese, but still working on understanding what i am reading. At the university that i am at not i thought was the place i wanted to be to take upon a culinology degree, but my heart tells me to do what i love so i want to take asian culture major in japan. I have made my plans to go to toyko in the summer and begin my new set of college years there. And i don't want to come back. The whole problem lies where my family doesn't want me to go at all. They don't want to support me infact the think i became ill for wanting to go there. But how can that be that i would be ill from wanting to go to where i love. I would ask for help on what should i do, but to simple say i will follow what i want to do and then i believe that my family will see it my way. They still will not agree to this now but they will i hope. it would be like loosing my grip on my freedom if i gave into what they wanted me to, which is to either finish school here and live in this small town for the rest of my life or drop out of school and join the army. Neither of them are what are in my plans. How do i deal with this family that has always controlled my life? Question Mark!

What is it that makes me feel so alone, when i have so many people surrounding me. Question Mark!

What one night at the bar can do to you!

A while back in the beginning of the fall semester. I decided that tonight will be the night that I would go to the bar. Yes, if your wondering I am not anywhere the drinking age limit, but i am able to still get into the bar. This night I drink more then I should because I am out of completely. I don't like smoking, but with all the liquor in my system I wasn't thinking of it. Okay, maybe I really did have too much to drink. I told myself that this year I wouldn't drink a lot anyway. But here I was sipping off some more from a friend and smoking. What if someone in my family saw this they sure enough wouldn't like it at all, but again was I really in the mood to care what was happening. I wanted another smoke, but the lighter wasn't working anymore. So, knowing me I looked around for a simple victim that I could sucker out of their lighter. There he was a pretty cute looking Asian and he was taller than me. I first kissed my friend to let him know I would be right back. I was on my little mission to get this lighter, but little did I know this was going to change part of my life. I don't remember everything that i said; although I did ask him to dance with me later that he agreed to. This person is "Peter." I went back to my friend and kissed him again, still not caring who saw. Later still that night i danced with Peter. But my night came to a stop before I could say good-bye or at least get his number. Another friend forced me home for being way to drunk. But luck was still with me when i was walking out i ran into Peter's friend and gave him my number. I stumbled back into my room my friend left. I laid on my cold floor and waited for the night to fade away. Then, I got a call from a number i did not know, so i had to think back who did I give my number to. Oh yes peter's friend. i answered. They asked me to come over, but I was already drunk, well tipsy at this time. I changed into something more comfortable and went outside to meet them. At his house he told me one thing i should remember the most, "not to fall in love with him." i thought he was stupid for even saying that. The rest of the night was spent drinking some more. I stayed the night and went back in the morning. I was sober now and he was still cute what a plus i thought. That was fun all the way up to the point where he wouldn't let me sleep. After that we didn't really talk. but slowly we began to again. Now I was coming to again after a month of not seeing each other. We started hanging and talking a lot more now. I began to actually like him. i haven't like anyone else like this before. I wanted to date him, which was different for me. but he just wanted to be friends that made-out from time to time. I wasn't going to accept that, then I told my friend about him. I told her if Peter and I are not dating by the end of the week I would leave him at that. I couldn't I became greedy in another sense because I wanted to keep him near. How can I be the one person that never wants to get close to liking someone then I go off and like this guy. But I remembered something someone once told me, "You have to let the dove fly away; and if it is meant to be it will fly back home,"but i didn't love him in fact i don't believe in love. i shouldn't i am still young. Peter was someone I had to let go it was hard, so the best way was to be mean and tell him i hated him and for him to never speak to me again. He thought it was a joke at first, well i think he found it as a joke, but he finally listened when I walked away. I thought he would text at least once, I hoped I longed for him to text me, at least just a hi. But nothing. Not even a call. I couldn't take it anymore I was determined to go hunt down that bird and force it to stay. I went to his house I waited all day to where i knew he would be home. His car was there one light was on. i knocked, called, and texted for awhile no answer to anything. A half hour goes by its cold and I am in shorts. I leave hurt that I couldn't say my sorries. On my way home I had to push past him get him out of my thoughts. I sat all night and still here i sit bummed. He just texted me finally at six-fifty in the morning. He says it's now problem for what i did, and think we will be better again. Then he asked if i knew any girls from school. And i fell right back down again. I don't know what to do anymore. I know I am not able to let him go, but it seems he already has. Look at that one say at the bar has done to me. If I was a better person and didn't drink underage i would have never of met him. maybe that would have been better for me. Dang do I need help with this how will I ever figure out what to do? Question mark!